(I don't think I can face another night where I'm half sick of shadows & I can't see the sky)

[riverdresses]

The first cup of China Gunpowder green tea + Withnail & I = inexorably linked in my mind.

(I think it was because I drank so much the first time . . . okay usually whenever I'm watching it. Or rather, I like to write my Eight smut with that a cup of that tea by my side. It feels very right, somehow.)

I went to take a pile of DVDs down to the used record shop today so I could sell them for the cash that would have been for next week & for reordering my bank account with whatever would be left.

Earlier that week, I'd resurfaced them (i.e., cleaned the scratches off of them), figuring I could sell them for more & that they'd play better. My intentions were good & honest; I wasn't just out for the cash.

So I took them in today, the guy took one look at all of them & refused them after offering me fifty cents for three DVDs of one set that I hadn't cleaned - or ever watched. Then afterwards, he said the price was too low to make a deposit slip for them; i.e., pay me for them.

So I spent three hours cleaning three box sets of DVDs & one single one, dragged them down there & they won't take them, all because I was kind enough to think that removing the scratches & cleaning them would be a nice thing for anyone who bought them.

FUCKERY, FUCKERY, FUCKERY AND FUCKING CRUMBS. FUCK YOU.

So, as you imagine, I took it well, even if I was pretty insulted by being offered fifty fucking cents for three DVDs I'd never WATCHED AT ALL, so I was in a very bad mood for the rest of the day. I feel a little better now - tea & a watching of Withnail & I while picking Eight porn up on Teaspoon will do that for me, but still.

Sigh. I really could have used that money. Fuckery.

&;

I'm finally back into the swing of Eight audios! I stopped literally halfway & seven minutes into The Last, but I finished it yesterday & last night/this morning, I finished Minuet in Hell & today, started Caedroia.

- OKAY, THAT AUDIO WAS ANOTHER VAGUELY DISTURBING ONE. Had me snapping my head up every twenty minutes & my hands on my mouth because I was just freaking out at certain points. It was scary, frankly.

- I think I fell in love with C'rizz just a little bit in that audio. I love how he cares so much for Charley & how sweet he was to her & how he was just as hell-bent on not letting her give up hope that she'd walk again.

& FUCK ME, I nearly cried a bit when she asked C'rizz if he'd kill her if nothing could make her walk again. I just . . . it hit close in my heart, folks. & C'rizz was so adamant about how he'd never do that to her, even if she wanted him to, & that she'd be okay . . . it was a lovely moment. I felt for both of them, honestly. & o, Charley . . .

- Christ, people were dropping like lead balloons in this damn audio! I mean, that was a LOT of death in this audio - & no one was coming back to life! & O, DAMN, YOU DON'T FUCK WITH PEOPLE C'RIZZ CARES ABOUT, YOU REALLY DON'T. He scared me a bit when he got all fierce like that before he got shot. C'RIZZ ILUBB.

- Eight. Eight . . . o, o, WHY DO YOU BREAK MY HEART SO MUCH & WHY DO I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO. & dammit, he stayed so moral & strong, even after C'rizz & Charley were dead. & never thought of himself as suicidal. (he said it! Where does he get that strength?) After everything that's happened in the last six audios - seven if you count this one - he still keeps going. He still cares for Charley & now C'rizz & he refuses to give up.

& as I said, there were tons of parts in this two hour audio that freaked me the fuck out, but the one that freaked me out - or rather scared & upset me a bit more?

When he saw Adric & Katarina again. As the three of them entered this zone, he saw their ghosts. & O, MY GOD, that practically tore my heart out the second he realised who & what he was staring at.

In the regeneration mix I made for all nine Doctors, I used Pyramid Song for Five, just for the way it opens:

I jumped in the river and what did I see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me
A moon full of stars and astral cars
All the figures I used to see
All my lovers were there with me
All my past and futures
And we all went to heaven in a little row boat
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

When Five regenerated, after choosing to save Peri & not himself, his final word was 'Adric.' He still felt that guilt for Adric's death & even in his eighth form, he still does. & now Katarina's, as I learned, having not met her before.

In this zone, he & C'rizz could see ghosts. (well, Eight just saw those two, C'rizz saw & talked with at least fifty.)

& when he saw Adric & Katarina, I could feel that guilt he, the Doctor still felt over their deaths. It was a great way to start the story.

- I loved C'rizz like MAD in this audio, as said before. He could speak to the dead, see them & no one believed him, or took him for mad. & it frustrated me because he knew things & NO ONE, not even the Doctor would listen to him. In this case, up until he got SHOT, I was solidly sticking with C'rizz & wanting to shake Eight a bit for being so fast to say C'rizz had imagined everything. (if Eight had been so dismissive of me, I might have slapped him one. ACROSS THE FACE.)

So now that I know him a lot better? I am fully down with C'rizz as a companion. He's awesome & I want to hug him, make him soup & share chocolate with him.

- Well, I got my answer for what happened to Ramsey. BAD RAMSEY, TRYING TO EAT CHARLEY!

- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT PLOT ON? That was . . . well, it was a flimsy plot & O MY FUCKING CHRIST, THE AMMERICAN ACCENTS WERE SO BAD I WANTED TO STAB MYSELF IN THE EARDRUMS WITH SCALPELS HALFWAY INTO IT.

So why did I listen to ALL two hours up until two in the morning?

Simple! We had the Brigadier being badass as always (THE BRIG IS LOVE. DON'T TRY & FIGHT WITH ME.), Marwood!Eight (O YES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!) & Charley Pollard working at the Hellfire Club in the twenty-first century. (I SO want to write Emma Frost/Charley Pollard porn now. O, COME ON, THAT WOULD BE FABULOUS. But I haven't read any of the X-Men books in ages, so Emma could be dead & I wouldn't know. Damn.)

- alto2 was the one who told me that there was Marwood!Eight in this audio, so I HAD to listen. & yes, he's pretty damn Marwood-esque! & he gets strapped to tables a few times. & he's stuck in an insane asylum. (I have a fascination with old insane asylums for some reason, so naturally, that appealed to me) & on the subject of him being rather Marwood-esque, as I'm watching the last half of Withnail & I now, with Marwood having a drug-induced panic attack, THAT IS TOTALLY HOW EIGHT WAS IN THIS AUDIO, MINUS THE GIANT JOINTS. I FUCKING LOVED IT. IT WAS GLORIOUS. UMF!

- I have to say, was I the only one to listen to this audio & just found a lot of sexual over/undertones to it? Charley working as a 'hostess' at the Hellfire Club, almost getting whipped at one point, running around in an apparently flimsy sort of nightgown, Eight being strapped down in to tables at least twice, the presence & attitude of the members of the Hellfire Club, the scenes with Becky Lee in the dungeon of the Hellfire Club . . . I don't know, but that just all seemed to have a lot of sexual over/undertones to it. Or that could be my dirty mind, but considering how I could BARELY even listen to it with such crappy accents, maybe it isn't just me.

Sexing up an Eight audio - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG THIS TIME.

- 'You're a couple of marshmallows short of a Count Chockula.'

OMGOMG LOLZ WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, I SWEAR, OMG. I laughed my ass off at the silliness of that, totally did. WHAT THE HELL.

- Also, this audio proved two things.

1. When I say I'll listen to or watch anything, regardless of how bad it is for Paul McGann, I MEAN IT. This was . . . weak. BUT I WAS IN IT FOR HIM, MORE OR LESS. & it was worth it . . . ::smiles::

2. I will NEVER pass up anything that includes the Brigadier or UNIT. EVAR. No matter how flimsy/cracky/one-off it is.

- The opening with all that mindfuckery going on? WAS FUCKING AWESOME. & Eight pwned some bitches right there, UTTERLY. GO BB, GO! & um, Eight faking that he was in pain & a few of the things he said were just HOT. MOAR SCREAMING, EIGHT. I LIKE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT.

- Eight pwning bitches that stole his TARDIS. Makes up for Romana, Leela & Charley pwning Brigadier!TARDIS in Zagreus - BUT I TOTALLY LOVED THAT!! But it was great to see Eight metaphorically cracking bitches on his own again.

- DUDE. Eight threatening to erase memories of certain events of his opponents?

Whoa. That was intense to hear him even make a threat like that. He didn't, of course, but he could have. But he justified it - he said himself that his conscience is rather flexible when his companions are being threatened. He threatened to do it, but he didn't act on it. But I believed he would.

It scared me a bit to hear him say that, actually - Eight's one regeneration I don't think would actually go there - or rather, unlike Ten, would do that to one of his companions. An enemy, someone trying to kill him, or fuck with his mind, or any of his companions' minds - then I believe if he did it, it would be justifiable.

But me saying that also semi-justifies what Ten did to Donna in Journey's End, doesn't it?

The question is, though, if Eight were in the same place with Charley or C'rizz, or any other of his companions, would he erase their memories like that, or try to find another option?

Me? I think - or rather I know he'd try everything else first. He'd only turn to memory-wiping as a last resort. Ten didn't do that. He didn't think over any other options, try any other method, or even try to think of any other way to help Donna - he just wiped her mind of all of her time with him.

Exactly what the Time Lords did to Zoe & Jamie.

Which is why Ten & I are on very shaky ground. If he'd tried another way, & there was no alternative, I could have more respect for his choice. But he didn't. He just mind-wiped Donna & lefter her back on her own world, & she, like Jamie & Zoe, would never know of the amazing things she'd done, or of what she was truly capable of. She deserved better, but Ten didn't give her that. Just like the Time Lords didn't give Jamie & Zoe a choice.

So Eight just threatening to do that - it scared me a little. I know he wouldn't do it unless he had to when it comes to his companions, but just him saying that he'd do that was a bit frightening.

- THIS AUDIO IS MORE CRACKIER THAN ZAGREUS, BITCHES. I kind of like it!

- So far, C'rizz is still awesome. CAN I BE HIS BFF PLZ?

- . . . there are THREE OF EIGHT IN THIS AUDIO. By that I mean THREE. EXACT. DUPLICATES. OF EIGHT. One is his insanely cheerful side (think the TVM & you'll be on the right track), one's the bitchy, irascible asshole side of him (which I want to kill, honestly, but it's a little sexy to hear him being so . . . o, shush, you know what I mean) & the other is the proper Eight. Charley refers to them as Tigger, Eeyore & the Doctor. (LOLZ, TIGGER!DOCTOR'S ALL, 'TIGGER'S ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVOURITE!') I leave it to you to guess who's who.

So . . . if there are three exact copies of Eight in this zone, WHERE. IS. THE. PORN. WE HAVE THREE OF THE ONE OF THE SEXIEST DOCTORS IN ONE AUDIO & I HAVE NEVER FOUND ANYTHING FOR THIS, ANYWHERE. CAN YOU ALL EVEN GUESS HOW INSANE A THREE-WAY OF THREE DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF EIGHT WOULD BE?

I, for the record, imagine it like this:

Tigger!Eight: 'O, this'll be fun!'

::after sex::

'Now let's do it with our clothes off!'

Eeyore!Eight: 'You'll do what I say, and only what I say. Are we clear?' (uh . . . can I just borrow this one & the original Eight & go find a nice closet please?)

Eight: 'You know, there's a high probability that I've done this before, but don't remember it. So, bedroom or bathtub?'

NOW WHERE'S THE EIGHT/EIGHT/EIGHT PORN, PEOPLE? THIS IS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR CRACK & SEXING. TAKE IT!

- I will kill Eeyore!Eight if he doesn't stop being an asshat to Charley. HE'S JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE'S MORE AWESOME THAN HIM & HE TOTALLY KNOWS IT.

& because I got around to snagging . . . a few pictures from a LEGENDARY picspam infinitejoys did of all the Doctors (ALL OF THEM) in non-Doctor roles, I'd like to share a few of Paul McGann looking quite lovely in some of my favourites.

(& in the last one . . . he makes those specs look rather sinister. OR, he looks like he's playing something of a very Humbert Humbert role . . . WHATEVER, I'M NOT OVERLY INTERESTED IN SPECIFICS, EITHER WAY, IT IS SEXY. & no, most of those caps aren't still open in my tabs, why would you think that?)

BUNNY/KITTY SUMMIT '09 BEGINS SATURDAY AFTERNOON. ::FLAILS & DIES FROM EXCITEMENT::

'cause I know I'm the cursed one. I know I'm meant to die. Everyone else can watch as their dreams untie, so why can't I?