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riverdresses::giggle:: At the risk of seeming rather distant, I really kind of enjoy being incommunicado for short spans of time on LiveJournal.
So, how about a real life update for your troubles?
So, my Thanksgiving, as in the actual holiday was much with the royal one hundred percent pure SUCK.
The Good
- Sucking down FOUR bottles of nonalcoholic cider mostly on my own. That shit is GOOD. I'd have it pumped into me intravenously if possible.
- Wearing shiny jingly scarves on my hips & over my jeans. I didn't wear my wings or boonie, but I rather wish I had!
The Bad
- I GOT CLOCKED IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH A LARGE PIECE OF FUCKING PLYWOOD. IT HURT. A LOT. I had a headache all night & a duller one the next day. But beyond that, I was okay. No blood or anything, luckily. But still - PLYWOOD + BETSY'S HEAD = PAINFUL. WHAT THE FUCK.
- My cousins & their friends thought it would be quite fun to throw large spherical items at my chest hard enough to make me almost collapse because I couldn't breathe. Seriously, I almost did, I was in THAT much pain.
- I hit my head on a damn metal PIPE. AFTER getting clocked with the piece of wood.
& now a bit of a more serious note.
So, as most - or some of you know, my father isn't currently living with my mother & I, but that he lives next door. & you may or may not figure that it's because he hates my mother very much - but according to him, it's her doing that he's no longer over with us. I couldn't care either way, I hate him as it is. Saturday, which is the mandatory day I have to spend with him (to get our weekly food supplies - I hate doing it) was very . . . it was just not good. He screamed at me a lot & attacked my mother even more viciously than usual. He verbally attacks her almost every time I see him & sometimes me in the process. I'm working on ignoring his psychotic ranting because really, now I don't care what he says or thinks of me or her.
So . . . I don't really remember what happened mostly, beyond the screaming & coming home & whatnot, but I do remember coming home & talking to Mother & finally, really, telling her all of the things he says about her & me & how it is a constant thing every time I see him. I wasn't going to say anything at all, but she asked & wanted to know. So I told her.
& I really, almost completely, to the point of a physical collapse, started to cry. I was crying so hard I was shaking & thought I would throw up. I could barely recognise my own voice, I was talking so strangely. I scared my mother. & after I had stopped crying so badly she was holding me, I laid on my bed in a near goddamn catatonic state for almost twenty minutes to try & rebuild myself & to realise the utter foolishness of what I had just done.
I haven't had such a physical reaction to something like this in almost four years, after I had my breakdown. In fact, I would venture to say that if anything else had happened, I would have had a second breakdown after this. & it upsets me, because I've been doing so well for a while now. No suicidal thoughts (okay, not many) & no hurting myself, except once. I'm a good girl, right? I take all my medications & try & stay in my own little bubble of pink&pretty&love. Good girl, right?
Or not, considering how goddamn badly I wanted to open up new cuts on my arms after all of this. I didn't, but I wanted to sofuckingbadlyIcouldalmosttasteit.
I'm sorry for sounding so dramatic & little girlish & teenagerlike, I really am, but I just wanted to let this out. I'm sorry, I really am. But this sort of helps me feel better.
So, how about some shiny fanbunny news? Okay!
Well, I ASSUME you've all seen my last little note which 'discussed' the awesomeness of miss Vala - I WANT MORE VALA EPS PLZ. & more Vala/Daniel, because I've decided for them to have sex is QUITE POSSIBLY THE HOTTEST THING EVER & COULD POSSIBLY OUT-HOT JACK/DANIEL. (note, I said POSSIBLY!) But whatever, I NEED MORE VALA. & SOON.
Also, I've really been in the mood for Sam/Daniel fic lately. I've even had odd, little domestic Sam/Daniel plotbunnies dancing around in my head. I seem to have a kink for Daniel making/drinking/giving Sam tea in the mornings. Daniel/Tea = my AWWWW!inducing OTP. WHERE IS THE TEA!DRINKING!DANIEL FIC? Or the domestic!Sam/Daniel fic? I WANT.
& while we're on the topic of fic related to cute spacefaery archaeologists, remember how I said my Rivermuse returned a while ago?
Well, apparently, she didn't come alone.
Um, she brought Daniel along with her. (well, it DOES make sense, since I AM working on my River&Daniel ficlet, nein?)
So as of right now, my muses consist of a psychic teenage assassin & a dreamy archaeologist who is like a yo-yo when it comes to death. Awesome! ::hugs River&Daniel!muses::
(& lastly, I am really in love with Her Space Holiday.)
So, how about a real life update for your troubles?
So, my Thanksgiving, as in the actual holiday was much with the royal one hundred percent pure SUCK.
The Good
- Sucking down FOUR bottles of nonalcoholic cider mostly on my own. That shit is GOOD. I'd have it pumped into me intravenously if possible.
- Wearing shiny jingly scarves on my hips & over my jeans. I didn't wear my wings or boonie, but I rather wish I had!
The Bad
- I GOT CLOCKED IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH A LARGE PIECE OF FUCKING PLYWOOD. IT HURT. A LOT. I had a headache all night & a duller one the next day. But beyond that, I was okay. No blood or anything, luckily. But still - PLYWOOD + BETSY'S HEAD = PAINFUL. WHAT THE FUCK.
- My cousins & their friends thought it would be quite fun to throw large spherical items at my chest hard enough to make me almost collapse because I couldn't breathe. Seriously, I almost did, I was in THAT much pain.
- I hit my head on a damn metal PIPE. AFTER getting clocked with the piece of wood.
& now a bit of a more serious note.
So, as most - or some of you know, my father isn't currently living with my mother & I, but that he lives next door. & you may or may not figure that it's because he hates my mother very much - but according to him, it's her doing that he's no longer over with us. I couldn't care either way, I hate him as it is. Saturday, which is the mandatory day I have to spend with him (to get our weekly food supplies - I hate doing it) was very . . . it was just not good. He screamed at me a lot & attacked my mother even more viciously than usual. He verbally attacks her almost every time I see him & sometimes me in the process. I'm working on ignoring his psychotic ranting because really, now I don't care what he says or thinks of me or her.
So . . . I don't really remember what happened mostly, beyond the screaming & coming home & whatnot, but I do remember coming home & talking to Mother & finally, really, telling her all of the things he says about her & me & how it is a constant thing every time I see him. I wasn't going to say anything at all, but she asked & wanted to know. So I told her.
& I really, almost completely, to the point of a physical collapse, started to cry. I was crying so hard I was shaking & thought I would throw up. I could barely recognise my own voice, I was talking so strangely. I scared my mother. & after I had stopped crying so badly she was holding me, I laid on my bed in a near goddamn catatonic state for almost twenty minutes to try & rebuild myself & to realise the utter foolishness of what I had just done.
I haven't had such a physical reaction to something like this in almost four years, after I had my breakdown. In fact, I would venture to say that if anything else had happened, I would have had a second breakdown after this. & it upsets me, because I've been doing so well for a while now. No suicidal thoughts (okay, not many) & no hurting myself, except once. I'm a good girl, right? I take all my medications & try & stay in my own little bubble of pink&pretty&love. Good girl, right?
Or not, considering how goddamn badly I wanted to open up new cuts on my arms after all of this. I didn't, but I wanted to sofuckingbadlyIcouldalmosttasteit.
I'm sorry for sounding so dramatic & little girlish & teenagerlike, I really am, but I just wanted to let this out. I'm sorry, I really am. But this sort of helps me feel better.
So, how about some shiny fanbunny news? Okay!
Well, I ASSUME you've all seen my last little note which 'discussed' the awesomeness of miss Vala - I WANT MORE VALA EPS PLZ. & more Vala/Daniel, because I've decided for them to have sex is QUITE POSSIBLY THE HOTTEST THING EVER & COULD POSSIBLY OUT-HOT JACK/DANIEL. (note, I said POSSIBLY!) But whatever, I NEED MORE VALA. & SOON.
Also, I've really been in the mood for Sam/Daniel fic lately. I've even had odd, little domestic Sam/Daniel plotbunnies dancing around in my head. I seem to have a kink for Daniel making/drinking/giving Sam tea in the mornings. Daniel/Tea = my AWWWW!inducing OTP. WHERE IS THE TEA!DRINKING!DANIEL FIC? Or the domestic!Sam/Daniel fic? I WANT.
& while we're on the topic of fic related to cute spacefaery archaeologists, remember how I said my Rivermuse returned a while ago?
Well, apparently, she didn't come alone.
Um, she brought Daniel along with her. (well, it DOES make sense, since I AM working on my River&Daniel ficlet, nein?)
So as of right now, my muses consist of a psychic teenage assassin & a dreamy archaeologist who is like a yo-yo when it comes to death. Awesome! ::hugs River&Daniel!muses::
(& lastly, I am really in love with Her Space Holiday.)
no subject
Date: 2007-11-29 04:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-30 03:24 am (UTC)